


House Where Nobody Lives

by Writer_Geekgirl



Series: Season 13 Codas [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coda, Dean Uses Actual Words, Episode: s13e19 Funeralia, Heaven, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 11:46:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14472090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_Geekgirl/pseuds/Writer_Geekgirl
Summary: Castiel tells Dean about the condition Heaven is in after he returns from his talk with the angels.





	House Where Nobody Lives

Dean heard Rowena and Sam talking in the library as he passed by on his way to get a beer. He felt uneasy that the two of them had seemed to form a bond. Rowena hadn't tried to hurt them in a long time, but he never truly trusted her. Not that he trusted anyone outside of Castiel and Sam. Sometimes, he couldn't trust them. He knew they had his back, but both of them were too overprotective of him. As he walked down the hallway, he heard a noise in the garage and went to investigate.

When he flipped the light on in the garage, he paused and stared. Castiel had arrived home but sat in his car with his forehead resting on the steering wheel. Dean could see Castiel's shoulders shaking as if he were crying. Dean walked slowly to the junker they had stolen for Castiel and opened the driver's door. "Cas, pal?"

Castiel sat up suddenly with a stiffened spine. Tears flowed slowly down his cheeks, while he composed himself. Dean stared into his eyes, his face lined with concern. After a moment, Dean said softly, "Cas?"

Castiel's face was masked and emotionless as he moved to get out of the car. Dean backed up to give Castiel space. Castiel cleared his throat a moment and said huskily, "Are you and Sam ok?"

Dean inwardly grimaced. No matter how bad of shape Castiel was, his first words would be to ask how Dean was. Dean raised his eyebrow and said quietly, "Sam and I are fine. Rowena's here. What she did, it's complicated. I'm chalking it down to a misguided attempt to save family. What haven't we done to save family?"

Castiel's façade cracked for a moment, and Dean saw raw pain flash across his face. He then looked at Dean emotionlessly, "Family is important."

Dean looked at him, "Cas, what's wrong?"

Castiel responded almost angrily, "What isn't? Jack and your mother are still in the apocalypse world. I am no closer to finding either Lucifer or Gabriel. Just tell me, what is right?"

Dean frowned at him. He grabbed Castiel's arm and pulled him towards his room. Castiel tiredly didn't resist and let himself be dragged. When he got to his room, Dean pushed Castiel onto the bed and opened a cabinet. He poured two glasses of whiskey. Castiel sat on the edge of the bed with his cheeks resting on his hands, looking at the ground. Dean walked over, pulled one of Castiel's hands out and stuck the glass in it. He curled Castiel's fingers around the glass before letting go. Dean growled, "Drink."

Castiel downed the whiskey in one swallow. "Dean, you know that does very little for me."

Dean refilled the glass, then sat down on the bed next to him.

"Did the angels do something to you, Cas? If they did, I'll kill every one of the dicks."

Castiel gave out a short, bitter laugh. "It's not what they did to me, Dean. It's what I did to them."

Dean gave him a perplexed look. "Last time, they tried to kidnap you."

"Naomi is back," Castiel said quietly.

"How? I thought Metatron killed her."

Castiel shook his head with a huff, "You of all people should know, Dean, that what you think is dead, isn't always."

Dean put an arm around Castiel. "Come on, Cas. Talk to me. What did she say?"

"They're gone, Dean. Almost all the angels are gone. There's maybe a dozen at most left anywhere."

Dean looked at him confused, "Are they on Earth?"

Castiel threw the glass against the wall with a shattering noise as he stood up. He turned to Dean and growled, "There's only a dozen of us fucking left. Because of me. I devastated Heaven during the civil war. I helped Metatron cast the angels out. I kept choosing you over them. Now, the angels are going to go extinct. When they do, everyone…Bobby, Charlie, Kevin, everybody…" Castiel closed his eyes, his shoulders shuddering.

"You mean there's only a handful of angels. They're all dead?"

"Their blood is on my hands. All of it."

Dean protested, "You were trying to save the world. All you ever did was try to help."

"I've ruined the world. Why did I ever leave purgatory? Why did I come back from the Empty? Why?" Castiel's arm swept out, knocking the lamp and everything from Dean's nightstand. He immediately looked contrite. "I'm sorry." He started walking towards the door. Dean sprang up and moved between Castiel and the door.

"You came back to fix things, to make things right. You came back because we needed you," Dean said.

Castiel laughed bitterly. "You said that to me after I came back as Emmanuel. And what have I done right since? I've brought my kind to the edge of extinction."

"What can we do?" Dean asked.

Castiel stared at him. "Now, you ask that?"

"What do you mean?"

Castiel snarled, "During the entire civil war, you called me when you needed me. Did you ever really offer to help? You knew I was at war with Raphael, but instead, you used me when it was convenient."

Dean blanched, "If I knew what you were going through…"

"I didn't tell you at first because you were happy with Lisa. I went there to ask you for help, but you were out of the life. You were safe. I wanted you to stay safe. By the time Sam was back with you, I had already started working with Crowley. Then, how could I tell you?"

"Cas, that's all behind us. We worked through that shit a long time ago. We're good now."

Castiel laughed almost hysterically, "I've not been good since I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition. I started having doubts. I started to question orders. I did everything that an angel shouldn't. Naomi reprogrammed me then. But, you broke it again. You made me think humanity mattered more than Heaven. That I should turn my back on my brothers."

Dean stood frozen. He stared intently at Castiel, his back rigid and his hands balled into fists. He finally said quietly, "We saved the world."

Castiel looked at him, "Did we? Heaven runs on the power of the Heavenly Host. Guess what happens if there is no Heavenly Host?"

"Souls will get stuck in the veil again?"

Castiel looked at the ground, not meeting Dean's eyes. "Worse than that. All souls fall. Bobby, Charlie, Kevin, all of them. Billions of them. Souls made angry because they were thrust out of Heaven. It will be hell on Earth. It might be even worse than if Lucifer and Michael had fought. That's what going to happen because I tore up the rule book and went rogue. It's all on me."

"Cas, you can't believe that. You've only ever done what you thought was right." Dean placed his hand on Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel said softly, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"How can we fix it?"

Castiel shook his head, "I need to take Gabriel to shore up the Heavenly Host. But, we also need Gabriel's grace for rescuing your mother. Which family do I choose? Who do I save?"

Dean said evenly, "Both. We'll get Jack and Mom, then we'll convince Gabriel to go back to Heaven with you. Whatever it takes."

"I listened to you say that before. But when I did what I thought was necessary about Donatello, you and Sam judged and criticized me."

"We overreacted. You were right. He posed a danger to us and humanity," Dean said reassuringly.

Castiel faced away from Dean. "No matter what we do, the matter remains that it is my responsibility for breaking Heaven."

"I broke things. Hell, I broke the first seal."

"All my brethren," Castiel murmured. "Balthazar, Inias, Hannah, Anna, Gadreel, Rachel, Benjamin, Muriel, Joshua, so many more." His shoulders shook again.

Dean circled his arms around him from behind with his chin resting on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Cas. We can't bring them back, but we'll figure out how to fix Heaven. We'll find a way. Just like we always do."

Castiel relaxed into Dean, "Naomi said I had a crack in my chassis. I was never right. Even after she trained me to kill you, you broke it so easily. She had me kill you hundreds of times, but the reprogramming still didn't stick."

"You never told me that."

"You never asked," Castiel sighed.

Dean hesitated before saying gingerly, "You have always been a source of strength for me, Cas. Even though I should have known better, you always seemed so wise, powerful, and invincible that I didn't think you needed my support. I avoid thinking how much you've sacrificed for us. What have we cost you?"

Castiel said brokenly, "Dean, I would probably make all the same decisions again. Rachel was right. As soon as I laid a hand on you in hell, I fell in every way imaginable."

Dean turned Castiel around to face him. "Chuck brought you back over and over again to help us. What you've done, what's happened, it's on him. He abandoned us. We fight the best we can to protect his creations, but he doesn't give jack about us. You're our broth… Oh, the hell with this." Dean kissed Castiel's forehead. "You are as necessary to me as oxygen. Without you, I can't exist. I figured that out the last time you died. The day you came back, I had killed myself. I wanted to die. I pretended it was about saving a kid, but it was because I lost you."

"I'm so sorry, Dean," Castiel said quietly, as he wrapped his arms around Dean. "I'm sor…"

"No, you have nothing to be sorry about. We'll just keep grinding until we find a better way. And if we don't find a better way, well, they'll just have to take us kicking and screaming."

"You are my family."

"I am, and you are part of mine. So, I'll help you figure out how to save the in-laws." Dean held Castiel tightly, and breathed into his ear, "You and me, we're just better together."


End file.
